Suddenly feel like listening to Clay Aiken's The Way.
Dunno why.
Come to think of it,I think he is the best Idol so far.If I have to name a fav,of coz it's Clay.Though Im not gaga over him.
It's the voice.

With a few mins closing to NYE.
Leave with u with this song.;)

"The Way"

There's something 'bout the way you look tonight,

There's something 'bout the way that I can't take my eyes off you.

There's something 'bout the way your lips invite,

Maybe it's the way that I get nervous when your around.

And I want you to be mine

and if you need a reason why,

It's in the way that you move me,

and the way that you tease me,

The way that I want you tonight,

It's in the way that you hold me,

and the way that you know me,

When I can't find the right words to say,

You feel it in the way, you feel it in the way.

There's something 'bout how you stay on my mind,

There's something 'bout the way that I whisper your name when I'm asleep

Oh girl....

Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes.

Maybe it's the way that makes me feel to see you smile.

And the reasons they may change

But what I'm feeling stays the same.

It's in the way that you move me,
and the way that you tease me,
The way that I want you tonight,
It's in the way that you hold me,
and the way that you know me,
When I can't find the right words to say,
You feel it in the way, you feel it in the way

I can't put my fingers on just what it is that makes me love you, you baby.

So don't ask me to describe, I get all choked up inside, just thinking bout the way.

It's in the way that you move me,
and the way that you tease me,
The way that I want you tonight,
It's in the way that you hold me,
and the way that you know me,
When I can't find the right words to say,
You feel it in the way, you feel it in the way..

There's something 'bout the way you look tonight.

There's nothing more to say then, I feel it in the way.

As I am typing away now,I am left with 24 hours and ard 45 mins to a new year.

This year has been a very bad one.
Wars.
Floods.
Famine.
Murder cases.
Industrial incidents.
Calamities.
Diseases.
You name it.This year got it all.

And I am really thankful that I am safe,and pple I know of are all safe in this unsafe year.
Aren't you?

Have been watching the news religiously just to keep updated with the Tsunami news.

All the horrible scenes!
Who would expect a paradise turns into hell within mins of the big flush?

Yng suggested volunteering at S.Lanka.
My chance comes!

I badly would wanna volunteer myself,but my parents would be the obstacle.
And I dun even think I have the chance to argue.
Case closed.*_*'

I guess I can only help in whatever I can den.Donations~
Sigh.

=/

Life is really short and unpredictable.

Which is a more painful route to you?

Having pass away unpredictably or forseeing how u would come to an end?Gee...what a sadist question?

Anyway..closing to 2005.I wish for the world safety and peace.

Although there we all know that the Tsunami had brought more than just deaths now.Epidemic is oncoming.Pray hard not.

The wiping of the nation,one by one.Horrible,aint it?

I gotta be more um...enthu,agressive with my life,rather than letting it slip away.

Hmmm...

Good night 2004.One more day and we shall greet 2005 with a slient morning,with respect to the mournings.

I hate it when I'm a slug..I hate it when Im a slug...(and the churns go on.)

By 2005,I will turn the table ard.
I will push on agressively for jobs liao~
Coz now..I am just lazing about(for 3 weeks) and didnt really look for jobs.
A stay at home slug!

NIE is too long a wait.
My plans now?

By 2005,I will hook myself with contract jobs.
Feb apply for NIE.
May then know results.
If sucessful,I will of coz pack my bags into NIe.
If not,I will really look for a job n tie myself there.
In the meanwhile,should I am so lucky to be able to get into those govt jobs,I would happily stay there.NIE is den an 2nd option.

Sounds good?
Haiz...I dunno man.

Hey Yng,if ur supervisor ever needs more helpers there...report my name.;p
Hehz.

Just had enough of myself!
Feel like punching myself everytime when I feel like that.

Haiz.....
What is this all about,man~

I wanna begin my blog with such opening.

I miss Jason....

I thought I would be all so alone today so I spent the few hours...

1)sweep floor,

2)cook some boneless steaks.(hey..dun look at me with those bewildered looks!)

3)answered a rude phonecall from that 'chinatown uncle'(Hehz)

4)answered another "..." phone call from Jason.

I miss him so much that I dunno what to say on the phone,so I maintained the slient till he sighed n hung.

Was a lil upset but I msg him to ask for a dinner.

I have somesort jio my bro to go out,since he is so bored at home too.

We went to the army market for a while.

when I climbed the stairs..I realised that I must have been lazing at home so much that even croosing an overhead bridge makes my legs tired!

@_@Pathetic!

We stopped for some tang yuan~(the famous stall at Golden Mile Tower.)

I ordered the yam paste ones,but feel like sick after 2.

We walked ard Kampong Glam for a while before we walked into the MAGNIFICENT Park View Square.

It is too glorious and it is beyond my vocab to describe its majestic built!

I wondered will I ever be able to dine in there.

My god!

If have a chance,go take a look with me.Im sure that ur jaws will drop with amazement!

To me..it is like Greek style!That goldplated and rich place.Just the wine cellar alone will make u go.."..wwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww"

That must be one of the most expensive places to dine in Singapore!

Imagined my wedding dinner there~haw haw.Looks like I have to marry Bill Gates!

Hehz.

We walked over to Shaw Tower and to Suntec.

After combing Suntec,we moved on to the Millenia tower--the high end, one lane shopping mall.

Ha,I saw that big colourful lollypop from the Kung Fu Hustle at the Candy Empire.

That shop has all the imported chocolates n candies.And that is the tourists-trap shop.

Lol.

So my bro went home and I waited for a while before my beloved boo comes.

Gave him a light hug when I saw him.If it wasnt in the public,I would really just hug on dearly.

I dunno why I miss him so much,dun ask.It is just unexplainable.

Went to eat dinner at Fountain Terrace foodcourt.(very full.....)

While he was making his order,I openly took up the envelope and study the letter.

Haha.I think he must have guess that I peeked already la.

But I didnt peeked wor.I did that openly and even slowly put back the letter.Just that he didnt come back in time to catch me.;p

And there while I was hinting what he has got to show me,he joined in my 'acting' game.

Haha.Really funny.

Well last time he applied for the sports grant but perhaps it was the second time,so he didnt got it.

But now he got the Polytechnic bursary.Another 1k rolls in.Just nice for his CNY buyings.

And the collection date falls on his bday as well.

What a coincidence!

He has limited my bday present for him to $30.

I was like..."huh!"

True is that he doesnt want me to spend any more money,and that i dun have alot left, but $30 bucks??

It is alot for anyone's present but for his?

Look..guys' presents are tough to buy,let alone someone like him.

If you r me,u know why.

Hmm...But..do you think I will obey? ; )

Well.......

Maybe?

So ended a short night get together.

We went home separately.

Oh yea..I picked up a gold round ball like ornament!!It dropped from the christmas tree.

hehz!!!

Maybe it's my lucky star.(ball)

May luck rolls in~~~~I welcome thou!!!

Early morn I received an sms from Yng abt the donations to Sri Lanka.
But..where is St George rd?
It would be better if they ship me along to S.Lanka so I can help.

That boy slept at 4am plus ..ok a few hours ago.
I told ya,must be having all the fun in the club.And I was holding my sleep till 1.30am plus till his first msg that I cant hold anymore n fall zzz.

Sigh~
forget it forget it forget it~

I shall have all of today,tml and maybe the day after tml all to myself den.

Why is the bloody hell town so far from me!
really...fffffreak~

It's night time again.How fast!

I passed my bed a really sheepish look.
That is one place I would love when I am working.

It's really cold today and the weather forecast said that it would be raining whole of Singapore tml.So sian~

Who would have expect a earthquake brings such a strong tsunamis that swept and drown millions of lives?
I love learning Geography actually.I was often amazed about the earth's movement.
If not for the fact that Mr Tan Hee Ming is quite cute,with his pair of twinkling eyes,he could have make Geography another dead subject.

Well...actually he already did coz we often fell zzz in his lessons.Could barely keep my eyes open.
But I love drawing the crusts,the formation of volcanos etc.

Back to the tsunami.
It is utmost disheartening and devastating!
I hope that now epidemic wont break out.That would be another big tragedy written in history.
*Pray pray*
And although nearly impossible,I still hope that the missings are safe.

I wonder...what is the message behind such a catastrophe?
If everything happen for a reason,den what is this for?

I wonder why it is often the lives of the innocent being rob in the most tragic way?

You know...I really wish I can volunteer myself to those countries in need.I really wanna be doing such things.I feel that that is the most meaningful thing that you can do in life.

But I know my parents would never allow me to.And really do I have the ability to?

But....I really wanna help.....

Btw..clubbing call off.
I wonder why is it when it comes to clubbing n me,it just dun connect?

It has been raining all day as far as I could remembered.

When you really misses someone,would you tell that someone?
Well sometimes I do.
I could simply drop a msg,email etc to let them know that they are being missed.

Towards Jason....there is no specific period/timing as when I would miss him.
I would often msg him to let him know I miss him.
But sometimes,like today,I dont.
Not becoz I dun want him to have the 'upper hand' to let him know that I miss him so much.
Hehz.Sometimes in fit of lil anger,I did that.

But sometimes I didnt coz I dun want him to tell him that he misses me too out of obligation to.

Sometimes pple say that they miss you outta obligation to,as a form of courtesy and so.

And I dun want to bore him with this or take this for granted.

And so I contained this 'missing' in my heart.
I watched the rain...
I felt the breeze...

I wonder if u miss me too?

The world is plauged with tragedies.Be it human caused or natural causes.
Received 4 smses in the morning from 4 different gals.
Irene asked if I really wanna go club tml but she cant stay like Yin n Von.Well..me too.
Von asked if I applied for those govt jobs already anot.
Yin told me where to apply.
Yng complaint abt the tragedy and the sad atmosphere.

Intend to go out today alone one..want to go library and chill out.
But looking at the drizzly weather today,it's better to stay home huh?

Jason got his Hyatt DnD tonight.At..I forgot which club.Izzit Dbl O or Devils?
So nice!But the thought of him dancing the night away SUCKS big time.
Come on lo..when guys dance,they dont hang ard the same sex.
And not that my boo is one that would quietly sit down at a couch all night long n drink green tea ah.
So damn cross that that stupid big hotel had DnD at club one.
I told him I would be so damn cross n jealous if any gals touch him n would castrate him if he touches any gals.
Lol.
But machiam I will know lidat.
Nvm~I will do the same when I go tml night.;p
Machiam I can bear myself to the dance floor.Plus I hate lousy guys who pick up gals in the clubs and wanna dirty dance there.
It's is deliberate 'eat free tou fu' lo.
Pui!
Despise such guys~

Speaking of which..our fav topic now is 'infidelity'.

Actually really cant trust guys lo.Esp guys from this century.
Yng~Our daddies may be a total wood block but we can trust them to be the most faithful males ard in the globe.
It is true that guys will cheat behind u,just that u choose to know or not to.
Well...next time..if I ever face that in my marriage...Just dun ever lemme discover or I will never let u have the pride of a male again.
I am not those that would suffer abuse or injustice silently.I would rather leave n cry on my own than to pretend everything is fine.
Hmph.
But I will make sure u pay ur price.

But again..we cant say it's entirely the guys' fault.Coz it takes both hands to clap.
There will always be victims and culprits.
Just hope that the victims will never be hurt too deeply.

Hehz.What am I talking abt.

I had insomnia last night.=(
Think I fell asleep at ard 4am,woken up by the noises at 5 plus.Fell back to sleep only at 6 plus plus.Woke at 10 plus.
Stupid latte freeze!!!
Must set a damn mental note to myself that i cant drink such caffeine drinks at night.
But it doesnt work when I am burning mid night oil to study that time.;p

Sigh....
Yng..when is my table coming?

Have u guys notice it is only 3 days more to 2005.
If by 2005,I will start all the job hunting again with Von maybe. =/
Cant stand the idling ard.Total waste of life n scalawag I am!

I have not given up NIE,but the wait is too long.
Maybe take up jobs den.But I wont do all those sai kang again!

Sigh...Couldnt sigh enough.
I miss studying alot.
Not exactly studying.But it is that kinda feeling.
Maybe it's like everything is plan for you and you dun have to worry abt the next step.

Now..it's like threading in water.
Feel so unsafe,even if u have got a job.

Like Jason says..when can we ever shut up all these and get married n live happily ever after.

I smile.

But...is there really such thing as living happily ever after.
Ha-ha.

Yin told us got a friend(we know her indirectly) got married in M'ysia and even is pregnant now!
She just graduated with us!
Our jaws dropped. = 0

My god...I cant imagined getting married at 20-21!I havent even live to be independent and stop being a baby gal of my parents.Married?Pregnant?Shudders!

I dun even wanna think abt it till I am like 24.

I was thinking...would there ever come a day that Jason would propose to me?Would we get engaged first?OR would we just get married immediatly?
But...no matter how...it is something that is kinda far from now.

That I sigh...

It is not that I would like it to happen now.
Oh yes,I would love to imagine that happening but...nowadays...nothing is secure,man.

;<

I hate starting all over again,but it beats than twirling in no ends.

Argh~~~
Go bath la n do all the housework.Be maria,siti or fatimah~
Tml club anot...whatever la~
It's good to visit the night scene for a change but really...I prefer chilling out in bars den to club the night away.
Clubbing too much is unhealthy and the smoke and drunkards there are unhealthy enough.
Let alone stupid pigs n piggies.Flirting away.
I swear I would clobber any guys that night who tries to be funny with my gals.

I miss...Jason.
Sometimes I hate to feel those kinda detachment.When he is having his own life,I feel so detached and insecure.And when I'm used to such feelings,it will take sometime to warm up again when I am with him.

Yng..like u..we are both a lil too dependent.
But what do they want?
Independent and having our own life too?That it seems that this is no longer like a relationship?
Isnt relationship abt 2 of us?

But being dependent makes us feel so inferior and useless,that self confidence erodes with time.

w-h-a-tever la~
Copied n paste this from Friendster.


50 tinks 2 do when u r in a relationship... ^_^
Message:

1. Watch the sunset together.(-_-)
2. Whisper to each other.(check)
3. Cook for each other.(check)
4. Walk in the rain.(with umbrella?Check)
5. Hold hands(Check)
6. Buy gifts for each other.(check)
7. Roses.(once or twice...check>)
8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfumeand wear it every time you're together.(not really-_-)

9. Go for a long walk down the beach atmidnight.(um.....dun really think so)
10. Write poetry for each other.(-_-)
11. Hugs are the universal medicine.(check)
12. Say I love you, only when you mean it andmake sure they know you mean it.(check)
13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetryetc.(I check that myself!!)

14. Tell her that she's the only girl you everwant. Don't lie!(u shld)

15. Spend every second possible together.(-_-)
16. Look into each other's eyes.(check)
17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into hereyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.(wha....like comics)
18. When in public, only flirt with each other.(of coz..though my eyes always wander to both beauties n hunks)
19. Put love notes in their pockets when theyaren't looking.(huh uh!)
20. Buy her a ring.*(check)

21. Sing to each other.(forever~one sided..haha)
22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.(check)
23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for twodeal.(?)
24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and theTramp?)(we never eat lidat though it is funny!)
25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes,kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.(wow...thats something new)
26. Dance together.(check)
27. I love the way a girl looksright after she's fallen asleep with her head inmylap.(well..check)
28. Do cute things like write I love you in anote so that they have to look in a mirror toreadit.(ha ha...dun make me laugh...)
29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes.(forget it..it never happen)
30. Even if you are really busy doingsomething,go out of your way to call and say I love you.(u heard that?)

31. Call from your vacation spot to tell themyouwere thinking about them.(check?)
32. Remember your dreams and tell her aboutthem.(check)
34. Tell each other your most sacredsecrets/fears.(check)
35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.(oh..he is a gd boy to my parents!!)
36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.(check..)
37. Hang out with his/her friends.(nope~)
38. Go to church/pray/worship together. (temples is just not the same!!>_<)
39.Takeher to see a romantic movie and remember theparts she liked.(check)
40. Learn from each other anddon't make the same mistake twice.(crossed fingers)

41. Describe the joy you feel just to be withhim/her.(cant descirbe)
42. Make sacrifices for each other.(check)
43. Really love each other, or don't staytogether.(check)
44. Let there never be a second during anygivenday that you aren't thinking about them, andmakesure they know it.(huh....well..u shld know!)

45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.(welll...)
46. Learn to say sweet things inforeign languages.(check)
47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.(check)
48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.(yea RIGHT!)
49. Stand up for them when someonetalks trash.(i believe u will although no one will do that to me...well...i hope not)
50. Never forget the kiss goodnightand always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."(u heard that~)

Had a 'private' gathering with my fav gals-Yin,Von and Irene.
Changed the venue from Suntec to J8.
Wha...Govt job so relax sia~.Pay high somemore.
Yin working at mindef admin now.
So I just sent in all the applications I can la.They usually take a very long time to get back to u.
So now only Von n I are the slackers.
Feel so damn bad.

I also wanna look for govt jobs coz the pay is good n more relax.Though you cant run from the politics.
Coz outside...even u go for admin/data entry..all are what we call the 'sai kang'.(rubbish workload) and peanuts pay.No job satisfaction,no nothing.Hey..unless you get into MNC and hold some good promising positions,thats a different story.

You only get a REAL job when you have higher qualifications.Diplomas are nothing,man!

We all agree we are so...jian4 sia.
During study,we pine for working.
During working,we pine for doing nothing.
When we do nothing..we wanna study again.
What craps?

First...I really dun wanna be doing all the sai kangs again.
While my last job helps me to learn something,(which i kinda forget now liao;p) but having a D.B and the very shit peanut pay earns me nothing.
Hello..1.3k after CPF is practically nothing liao lo.

Even if I am doing sai kangs,pls lo..the pay and the environment must be gd la.

I chose teaching as my alternative now.But that's a long wait!
So I sent in my applications for as many govt jobs I can find as possible.
I dun wanna waste time waiting!

Waste 2 weeks and so le ba.
Feel like craps!

Irene asked if we wanna go club on wed.But she put it as I asked?Ha.Well..I did ask way before that,when we were schooling.

Hey..not a bad idea.My first club before this year ends.Shh..for all I know Irene wont dance and will fled with me on 11pm plus.So I am safe.
Other than the fact I dun really drink as well.
Alcohol can makes u fat,u know?

So so...
What shall I do tml??

Ok...I am gg down to the p/t sale interview tml.
Coz I have decided that I need money for alot of things.
Also it doesn't mean that I am getting that job for sure ma.
If I get then I go back to those promoter life again for a month and a half lo.
A lil like degrading...promoter -_-"

One thing I hate abt such jobs ..ok some things I hate abt such jobs is.
1)no weekends
2)inflexible timings.
3)idiotic crowds
4)monstorous aunties!

And my main concern is actually I really wanna have more time with Jason till he goes in for NS.
But if this job takes me, I wouldn't have much choice.and freaking OMG,judging at where the interview place is...it is at CHINATOWN!!!!
ARGH~~~~~~AUNTIES and UNCLES place!!!

Oh shit..And I realised one more thing..both is bday and enlistment day falls on a Saturday!!
Gr8~it is a well read rule that sales aint supposed to have something call weekend.

Should i go..should i go..should i go..should i go..

Ok..I withdrew my interview.
I will find other means den.this is not the only job ard...
Somethings are just more impt..
...
besides..Cheena town sucks la..This is the place for aunties to do cny shopping,for youngsters(like us) to maybe get a lil of CNY spirit there,but not for us to work.
no wonder they say..housewifes,retirees,students..all can.
chey!
;p

Sigh...
So come the invisible pressure to be doing something again.
It comes from urself and also others.
Almost seems like my last decision with my job is a damn wrg move.

Sometimes I really wonder...
Why does adults always feel compelled to be doing something,even if it's not their desires?
At least why do I feel so?

Maybe it started with me having no specific dreams or goals to reach ba.

Sigh..den this is bad...really very bad...
SIGH~~

26th Dec --Boxing Day.
Really a day not recognize here and I dunno if it's celebrated in the States and so.

As the year is approaching to its end,I feel very...insecure inside.
Usually pple look fwd to the new year but this new year has alot of ..ummm..Dunno how to put it but maybe worries for myself.

First.
See I can't stay jobless like this and I really need to be doing something at least.
I dun wanna start the new year jobless but I dun wanna be doing something I dun like.
NIE application starts too late and there is no guarantee that you will get in.
It is not those that you pays for the fees and you will be in for a seat.
Plus....HIS big day falls on Jan.Gr8,how am I gonna survive till den?

Second.
He is too getting his head shaved on Jan.
Though I am prepared but I just dun feel comfortable upon the thought of us not able to meet as and when we can and want to.
He has been my securement and I just cant help but to really..feel... ={.

i hate it when there are always things hanging on the back of my mind.Worries are irritants!

Ok..at least the most current irritant is that should I go for the what..part time sale till CNY interview on Tues?
It is good as it is p/t,serves me up to Feb and I got( and need) money.
But~~~~~can I only start on the 10th Jan?
And what kinda sale is that?Dun tell me at ChinaTown (Xiao Zhong Guo..Hehz) sell bwa kwa!

That's why I am hanging in for tuition...but I never go look for it,where got.
Godamnit!

Anyway~~~*shakes off all those craps*
Spent a good xmas yesterday.
Though it didnt happen exactly as I imagined.HaHa!
But it was pretty good.Esp at the mrt.We laughed till it hurts.What kinda craps is that~haha.

Maybe give Yng a call later~

Miss you lots.

I have a complain and a few other more to make this Christmas.

First thing first...
Hey..do you know taking something without giving it back is kinda rude,even if the person kinda give it to you willingly.But it is only really polite if you return something back in another form.
Moi Garon~
You always somehow have the sky rocket praises and some vocab that paint other's testimonials so beautiful and unlike you,but never to mine.
-_-*
Feeling cross.It's not even that I 'gian' the testi but I wanna see what's the difference b/w the testi you wrote for others and me.
For instance..I notice 9 outta 10 gals you wrote for,are always beautiful,popular,lovely etc.And this adds on to the credit that they really are.
I've never seen any of those terms use on me,or truely I dun deserve it.
Bah~
i dun want liao..n will carry on to del what I have wrote.
Hehz!

Second...
Why does red wine taste like TAT?
Maybe I ain't really make for alcohol but I cant even finish 1cm of the drink.
Almost feel like pouring sulphuric acid down my throat!
Red wine = out~
Ribena = Bring it on.
I'm not talking about it's health pros here,dude.

Third...
Hey this is for my gal.
Simon..if you truely behaves like this even on this holy season,I would really spit on u next time should the day comes you 2 are really apart.
Hey..it's not abt cursing here,but Yng and I always talk to this part.
You better live up to what's expected,sucker~

Forth...
This Christmas is lacking of something.
I dunno..in the past..there is ..ok wait..
Back to the thrid complain coz I just rec the sms.

Hey Simon..YOU FUCK off!
My dearest sis is so much better off without you!There are so many suitors out her door and yet you have been treating her like dirt for the longest time I rem.
Fuck...
Gal...wake up..you are truely better off without him and you know it.
What kinda bf will rather spend time with his frens than with his gal on TODAY?
Even if you meet yesterday,the day before yesterday..it is almost the unwritten law that you 2 spend the day together somehow,somewhere today.
Damnit and really godamnit!
Pui pui pui pui!!!

This christmas is so lacking of something..something that's unwritten but well painted.
Umm..
hmmm.
This christmas just ...is..so...grey..
to me...it's like 'hope' is missing in it.
Like the angels wasnt here this christmas.

How do you feel...

Ps:
Gal..pls cheer up.
Christmas without a guy doesnt mean its not christmas anymore.
Furthermore..we musnt forget the fact that we HAVE been spending such christmas for the past decade at least.
And Christmas actually is time o spend w ur families,aint that the traditional way?

moi garon~
try pls..dun be late...i dun suppose the roads will jam today yea?
and you know..i really fancy some small white daisies..
lol.kidding.
cya.

gal..u need me,call me ok.
we can spend the day together tml and so.
just lemme noe n i will be there.
=}

Merry Christmas (Eve)~

Dont you all just love Christmas.
But I just received a lousy gift from that idiot company.That D.B really has the heart to deduct all the leaves I took with no compassion,despite my 'case'!Idiot woman!Hope you have a super lonely christmas. xp!

and that I woke up with a red sore right eye.
Lately I have very bad eyes..may go blind one fine day.

Well we watched Kung Fu Hustle yesterday.
The effects are good but really..I think it's really very typical Stephen's moves.
Although it is good to retain individuality and own style but I have been watching those kinda exagerated laugh lines since they are really famous till now,i can just laugh without laughing out loud.

I bought a really yummy choco log cake~~Very nice!!!!

The dinner with his mum was ok~no prob.Though I find it a lil awkard but I try to make it as natural and try to talk with his mum as much as I can.

And den he 'surprise' me with his christmas gift for me.Actually I kinda expected it but I still goes =D~~when I saw it!
A 5000 pieces jigsaw puzzle with the pic of winnie the pooh n his frens watching the stars.

Though it wasnt those really expensive and those 'real' types you bought from the store.still got 2 missing parts.haha.not that he lost it but it just didnt come with it.
but i didnt see all this..coz what i saw is the efforts in it.the few hours spending on it each night after he knock off from work and the meticulous care on it.

was very tough and is the best gift i ever received!

thanks dearie~muacks.

And of coz..my dearest pret~merry christmas.see ya after christmas,hopefully once more before this year ends. =)

Merry merry merry merry Christmas~

God..I think my back is gonna break.Dunno why..now feels as if some nerves on my spine has un-nerve.Duh!
Lousy back~

Think I better give Jason a call now...
---------------------------------------
Couldn't get him on both mobile and home phone.Actually I am always quite worried when I can't get him.
I dun dare to call his home again coz I'm afriad it may disturb auntie.
I always cant stop my imagination from running wild when I cant get him.
Please...call me back asap....

-------------------------------------
Wanted to write about my day but now until Jason gets back to me,I can't get into the mood to.
Con'td calling den.
-------------------------------------

Chey!!!He's working la.Scare me! x~
Work also nv tell me.
My heart is beating a lil faster than the normal all the time until he calls~Haiz~~Pui pui!

Ok today today~

So yng came over.Had our lunches,a small chat before we get started.
Well..the enthusiaism level was sky high initially.Till the 3rd or 4th trial,we got really godamn tired!Our backs are almost breaking into 2.
And to reward our hard work,the output sucks!
Haw~Guess it is still some way till our own tiny shop,eh Yng?

Nevertheless,no matter how the outputs are..it gotta be finish!

There my parents were telling us literally that we sucked! ;p

Darn!Why is my mind singing that Taufik's I dream!EEEKKKS!!
Not that I am a Sly fan or anti Taufik.It is purely the song that irks me!That ..I dream~~I Dream~~~~~makes my hairs stands!
Sly is not much better either.
All in all..SI sucks!

Sorry to all those that are so godamn supportive of our local pdts huh.This is the issue of opinions and matter of taste.

I hope Yng likes that small gift of mine.
I had a hard time finding it and kinda @_@!! when I heard that her ears are sensitive to metals.God.I hope she can still wear it.
The box is I find one,the merry christmas is I find one,the lousy wrapping is I wrap when I'm abt to zzz one,the snowman is I cut n paste one,the PENguin is I DRAW one~~~^^I love that pen pen1 I drew.

God...really bloated now.Tone down tummy before 23rd plan failed!
={

Ouch..it's the left lower end of my back that like having pangs of attack.Pain pain~~~

Goodie night everyone~Although I only let 2 pple read this blog la.
Hehz~ =}

So ended another day.

Dunno why forever thirsty.Go get another cup of H2o!

Should go to bed but lately I'm kinda sick of my bed.
Coz it's like I spent half of my day lying there.

I cant wait to crack my eyes open the next day only to know that I am falling back in a few hours time.

Maybe I aint doing anything,you see.So sleeping has become a lil ...=

Drew 3 penguins today and really think they look CUTE!
Hehz~

Tml is gonna be a fun day~of coz when the cleaning begins..it's not that fun anymore.
Plus it's hard work.
Who do you think we are doing for huh?=/

Den come my 3 days of celebration.
Den a break over the wkend.
Den have a foursome gathering with Irene,Yin n Von on monday.
Den I need to return books on that week.
Den I seriously need to start a lil job hunt.Maybe more enthu on tuition side till I got hitch!
Den it's NYE.
Den it's a brand new year~

What den?

A hour ago,I'm helping my mum to make the wantons by "orders" of my beloved old man.Hehz.
;}

After washing my hands,I help myself with a tiny stalk of celery and a small block of carrot.
Ok you dont use block with carrot but it was chopped into blocks.
They were meant for the stew today and is raw.
Much as I like the raw and fresh taste but I find it hard to swallow down my throat.
Still I did.
Suddenly I feel like a bunny.

Speaking of bunny,while me and my bro were at H.Front yesterday,we went in the shop there sells pets' stuff and some bunnies,guinea pigs and maybe hamsters?(Im not sure abt the hamsters though.)

Dwarf Bunnies are cute..yea?
Slightly bigger than the average rabbits and with that ears hanging down.I thought it is hare all along.
But I think hare is much bigger?

There's one that stares at me and I stares back.Really cute~Lovely bunnies' eyes~

Do you know that many years before when I'm just a very small kid,I have two white rabbits.
Liked them alot.

Maybe bunnies make very good pets too.

I realised that it's a family presence that makes me feel calm and yea..back to myself.

(Btw..Im kinda sick of the Jay Z and Linkin Park thing.Let's face it..LKP is just...getting boring!Jay Z wont help it for too long)

My parents are off today and my brothers are not ard.
So it feels like I'm the only child ard in this feeling and it makes the usual Tues afternoon feels like a gr8 Sunday.

Maybe I have always been kinda lonely at heart since young thus I actually am a very insecure individual.But it has been so long that I didn't remember being lonely and things lidat.I just know life is not very special.

Wake up,grabba thing that I can find to eat(no matter what it is),get ready for work/sch/slum at home,till it's dinner time.Watch tv,surf the net and off the lights.
This is my life.Meaningless,I deem to be.

To answer to a 'question' I saw somewhere,is life really about me,myself and I.

It doesnt matter if you know where I saw it,I dun care.

Well..Sometimes we are just not alone as we thought to be.
Everyone is somehow facing the same thing,just that we didnt know that there is another pathetic soul like us out there.

But sometimes..it does feels gr8 to be me,myself and I,right?
Doesn't individuality counts?

And of coz no matter what I have done or have NOT do yet...I am still worthy to live on this earth.
Our lives doesnt come by ourselves.Since God permits our lives and our parents give it to us,we must cherish it somehow,yea?

Just now I was thinking how it may be better to have a sister.
Coz with brothers,those guys will never learn to think for the sake of the gal.They will never play Barbie with you.
Whereas for that gal,you ended up dont really play with Barbie and watch some 'guys' cartoons.Hey..I know about things like He-man etc ok.Dont even know that there is a cat called Kitty den.
Lol.
And that gal really acts and behaves like a tough cookie.Played RPG games,read guys comics,fights alot,and really find most guys = flys.

Well...but just as I imagined if I have a sister in my house right now..I probably wont feel special.I would probably kill another bitch,other than me,living in the house.

Lol.

What's your take?

Brought my brother who has the hairstyle right outta the Flintstone or maybe prehistoric times,to a hair cut at Far East.
Man..his hair must be so thick coz I waited very long.Maybe about an hour?
I never knew guys can take so long for a hair cut.

At least when that guy style it for him,it look better.
Finally my brother acknowledge that his hair style is offbeat!
We have been trying to tell him for ages but he wouldnt admit.

Tml my parents would be at home.
Gonna be a day with 2 proper big meals again.-_-"
A lil sick of proper meals.I wanna skip something for good le.

Yng is coming on Wed.^^
Cant wait for some good girls time~Though i think my brother would be at home.(the younger one.) T_T

Thursday is our 17th month.
Didnt managed to order the logcake in time.
First PrimaDeli (the woodlands one)pissed me off with some poor telephone etiquette.
Come on lo..even if you are just a cake shop girl,you must have some basic etiquette when it comes to phone lo.F&B industry somemore!

And den Breadtalk logcakes really..fail to capture my attention.
Although their cakes may be nice(I have not tasted one myself) but for a plain design,30 bucks is a lil exp.
And although I am buying it for his family and money shouldnt be much a concern,since it's a "gift".But i still have to take note of the fact that my income has stopped and 30 bucks for a plain log cake is still expensive.

(am I justified?)

Just hope that I can spot some decent looking ones on that day itself.

On Xmas eve that night,my dad is whipping his famous xmas cusines.
And I have invited Jason to come.^^
(Dont worry Pret,I promised I will save some for you.But it is just when you can eat.You cant store cooked turkey for too long,ya know)

I told him that we shall exchange our gifts on the eve and only opens when the clock strikes 12.
Hehz.

On the 25th itself..well..it's not within my plan already!
Someone gotta do something.
BTW..the dress code is...erm..think DINNER~
*hint*
Ask me for more clues,yea?

Alrighty,till the next time.

Love you~

Sometimes I have all these kinda irrational,childish yet seemly very innocent thoughts that's always running in my head.
I have no idea how so though.

For instance,I would often questioned myself...How does it really feels when you are an animal.
You may be a bird,a cat,a dog,a seal,a penguin,a tiger,a leopard all the way to some donkeys and some lowly crawling creatures/insects.

I mean...do they fall in love,like all the animation makes them to do so?
Do they recognize and can differeniate each other,since they all look the same(to us)
If they don't..maybe the offsprings of the same parents ended up having family together,ya know?
Do their children then end up being 'mutated' den?
Do they have brains/hearts/lungs (in other cases it may be gills..)etc,a body system like we humans do?
And yes..the sounds that they produce..do they actually recognize what each sounds means?
Like those in cartoons,maybe they are talking to each other,u know.

And yes..why do they always only fall in love with the same kind?
Say a lion and a tigeress cant come together and start a family.Den we would have a brand new breed!
Maybe it's a taboo in their own lil world,maybe it's a law that God has set for them.Well..you dunno,do you?

I wonder why are they colourblind.(Oh I dunno if birds are)
Isn't a lil sad and unfair that they cant enjoy the colours of the world?
Like isn't it sad that your pet dog doesnt see u in colours but black n white?

But I do believe that each and every kind of the animal have their feelings and ..what u call that...spiritual..something?Lin2 Xin4.

I wonder what would they say to us if they can actually converse with us.
Can anyone out there really reach out to those animals?
If we are born in the jungle,can we den understand them and their languages,like the Jungle boy?

i wonder do they (the stronger animals that can kill)really wanna harm us if they haven't sense any harm from us?
Maybe they really only do,when at the back of our mind we do wanna harm them.
Maybe they dun find human that tasty afterall,u know.


Huh...my whole mind is now playing that Lion King song...dunno what..
"in the jungle..the mighty jungle....~~~"
That one in morning madness trailer.

I suppose it is actually really fun to go wild and play with the animals.
Afterall they are one or many degrees less harmful,deceitful and treacherous than humans.

Now...what is this post all about?
^.^

Now I'm the type that really hates things hanging at the back of my mind.
That kinda feeling really sucks.
I rather execute it and worry about the results later.

And that's what I did.
I finally call my dear boy,Junhan up.
His mother recognise me on the phone immediately-_-"

Well...At least he still gets into EM2,though his results aint very good.
Well..very much wanted to ask his mother if he would like to carry on.It's better than to search for a new kid all over again after all.
But well..Didn't really dare to.(calling him up already took some courage and alot of determination)

In the end I just told him that if there's anything he needs,gimme a call.
Dun think that the kid catches any hint coz he is kinda keen to say bye bye. -__-*

Well..I just take it as if his mum didn't ask me,I suppose that they dont need my service anymore.

Oh well...whatever.
At least he still gets into EM2.My part of a teacher still pays off,yeah?
For you know,JH is not a very easy kid for a first timer(--ME) to coach.
His level of difficulty rates--"Teach me if you are Mother Theresa."

I am no Mother,but well so the results says so.
But at least after all my hard work..i am glad and very relieved actually that he did manage to scrap to EM2.
Phew~

Anyway...Watched SHREK on tv just now.
With those few laugh lines..I think it's a movie NOT even worth 6.5 bucks.
Heng ar~
It's really that big,green ugly ogre anyway.

Was on phone with Yng just now.
One concluesion..

The guys just dun geddit!

Sigh..
What's cooking on ur side of the world,baby?

Just had to add another entry becoz I saw someone I feel happy for @ Friendster.

If u recalled much earlier,there's a "bro" of mine named Darren who told me he kinda fell for me.
I always took his love as a brotherly love and didnt even think it's weird/funny when he onced msg "I love you too".Well..all i rem in that msg is i ended off with a very sisterly "luv ya.."

But anyway he has found his gal.^^
No wonder he never msg much again.

Hey..I am happy for him,cross my heart!

But it also occured to me that I believed no guys would really love me for long.
I am saying it now with a current exception of Jason..so far.

It is not that I am being selfish and wanted those guys whom I rejected to stay for me.
Hell no.
But I guess it is somehow like all women that we would secretly and 'darkly' wish that the guys whom have entangled with us in a way or another would really stay for u.

It is just a lil bit of ..um..insulting if the guy who claim to love you,after being rejected,would find a new gal in a month or less than that.

Read Diana's case.

So sometimes I still think single is very good.
Other than you may get a lil lonely during seasons like Valentine,Christmas and the boo boo periods.
Or else other than that,i think being single is still mighty fine.
*sings Natasha Beddingfield "Single"*

Say..I dunno abt guys.

Maybe guys never wish they were once single.
Maybe they would rather be seen with different gals all the time on the street,then caught dead with another guy on the street.(Even they are really just straight.D-u-h)
Maybe their heart can just heal so fast,that within a month and so,they are off into a relationship again.

I mean...which gal doesnt wish to have someone who will really just wait for her..but again..maybe not!Yew..

But maybe at least not a change of 'heart' so fast?

Um...Think again.It still pays not to be totally so godamn serious in a relationship while u are young esp.
Dun wanna bear all the hurts and find it hard to trust again.

Of coz..unless ya the dumper.

Talk abt heart...
Yawns...
Mine has been ...ticking steadily.

If u think that's a gd sign,well..nothing is gd for long.
So we need new iginition!

Bring it on..baby~

Shall skip all the details till the end.
Ended the day with a 5 bucks 'helicopter' ride at Orchard funfair.

We were both tired ,with me feeling very bloated.And that's the fact anyway.

Must be sleeping too much at home.Feel so tired easily!
God..talk about piggie!
Look like one too.

Rounder and rounder tummy!
darker and darker eye circles!

Argh...damnit!

Christmas...lets count down baby.
Cant wait for ur pressie?
Heh.What do you think you will get this year?
What did I gave last year?
The 3 tins and the hand sitch duckie?

Well...let's hold on...

It is Saturday.
Trying to settle my unruly hair.
I hope next week would be good.At least all before Christmas,lemme stay occupied.

I think my legs are a lil cramp..since the long walk with Jason on Wed..but not exactly very long.For all I remembered,we only walked from PS to...um..lemme recall..oh yes..Bugis.
Getting old and my joints are rusty when they stay home for too long,ya see.

Suddenly I have this tot in my mind.
If I have the chance to reverse my life,would I change it?
Say would I change the school I chose?
Would I change the friends I've made?
Would I change the guys I've known?

Though there are a few regrets and pain caused here and there,but I dun suppose I would change anything in the past.
Oh yea..GYSS is a lousy school but I still miss it there.
I dun think I will ever change the friends I have made,only changes is perhaps I could make more friends.
The guys....
Well..counting all the wayback from him to him...
I don t think so.
The only thing I would change is to not to make myself hurt them this much,and to let myself have a better chance to those whom I think I deserve.
=)

So where would I begin my life all over again?
I dunno.
At one pt I would really love to relive my childhood again,but I dun wanna spend too many years of painfully waiting for the peak to begin.

What's up with all these talkings,knowing it's never possible.
Im not gonna fall asleep with a wizard fairy god mum or anything to tell me the same whole craps im asking for.

Life is not about being a cinderella meeting the seven dwarfs,fall asleep a thousand years,been curse to become a mermaid,met a beast who den become a prince when you kiss him who den gives you a magic lamp with a cute and mighty genie..AND den..live happily ever after.

With apologies to the authors of Cinderella,Snow white,Sleeping Beauty,Little Mermaid,Beauty and the Beast,The frog prince,and Aladdin.
-_-~

Had enough of feeling like a slug.
So damn meaningless!
The thought of waking up in a day and den gonna end up in the same place a few hours later is really tiring,trust me.
Coz I am totally doing N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

Great!
What am I waiting for?
Christmas is dropping in a week time and so come Two Thousand and FIVE a week after.

I thought I am gonna feel happy?
Duh...I think I would be happier earning my money miserably!
At least I HAVE GOT MONEY!!!

Ok..I just went in the kitchen to literally plead my mum STOP putting money on my table.
Have received a total of $25 or far.I mean it's kind but I'm at the age that feels so damn ashamed of myself when she does that.
I'm at the age or beyond the age whereby I get kick outta the house and live on my own if I'm under those Western cultures.

I really have no idea how Vonny did this,man?Dont work and still live on?I feel miserable since day one coz I am truely not being productive and just another dustbag in this society!

-_-!
And I really hate it when it seems that our lives seem to swap places.That person is now being more productive and happier than I am!
Say did I make a wrong step or what?

Ok..Good.
I saw in my email that I dunno from where and when but a agent ask me to send in my resume for this small and cozy company dealing with international high end luxury goods,as an accounts and admin executive.Received peanuts pay of 1.2k before confirmation and an increment of 100 after.

Am tempted to send in coz it really doesnt hurt plus I am sick of playing the sick dog at home.

Plus I may not really get into NIE,you know?

Jobs duties are basically as follows:

- Purchase orders to HQ (Denmark)
- Credit not claims to store
- Administration of PO for corporate accounts
- Petty cash claims

So..so???

Why not?
=]
And damnit,if I really like it I might as well live off there.If I dun,I will say good bye and get ready for my NIE.If I get NIE,hello to my teaching days.
If I dun ,I will be doing something at least.
And..and...and...That is all if I pass thru everything and that they take me.

Ta da..I sent!

Yng must be slapping her forehead now.
Good grief,what have I done?
Well..just gonna earn some dough.

I was a bad gal yesterday.
I dunno why.
Maybe he wasn't well dressed? ;p
Kidding.
I was just being bad!

I wanna fall in love.I wanna fall in love for everything that I am doing!
I dun wanna be like this.

Say if I am working,I wanna fall in love with my job..Like that Evon(from 4e3)
If I am just shopping and walking down the streets,I wanna be immersed in my own world and not thinking why am I doing alone in the crowded streets?
If I am cooking,I wanna cook my heart out and not well...be afraid of the splatting oil.Lol.
If I am eating,I wanna fill my heart content and not just yurks at the sins.But I cant help it.
Like I just feel absolutely disgusted at the drumstick that Jason ate yesterday.
So is it the drumstick or the eater's manner?

i dunno.

Feel like some alienated creature stuffing herself at the addictive popcorns that Mum made.
It's driving the heat up in my body.
*rubs eyes more*

The more I looked for myself...The more I cannot recognize.

Since when I have become someone...who is just waiting for you to just msg to ask how I am,dates me out etc.
Since when I am someone who is so upset and crys too easily.

You never see them but that doesnt mean I am happy.

If you didnt see me online,would you still drop a msg whole day long?
If I didnt ask if you could accompany tml,would you ask me out in the first place?

Yet I am just so happy when you said that we would go out tml.
So happy over such a lil thing that I dont understand.
I stopped tearing immediatly and happily changed to go out to buy some stuff that I would like to prepare tml.
On my way...I just thought...since when I am like this.

What does my actions remind me you of?
To me...it is like a lonely wife who is crying all day at home and jumps to joy when her husband finally pays some attention to her.

I checked my phone every now and then...every other min and feels really stupid.

What am I doing?
What am I hoping for?

Yet for all these,I dont really blame you coz I know I gotta be fair.

But..why must you still ask where do I wanna go tml?
I acknowledge the part that you do care about my opinion.
But...

Havent you make me cry enough.
Dont you see what is so wrong in asking that.

I dun understand why I keep crying!

I hate it and I HATE this!

And a stupid song choose to play itself on the radio now...
Singapore Idols 'That's what friends are for'.
I mean the song is ok...but they sing it..it is like some overcooked spaghatti.
Yurks.


What is gg on..and I still hate this!
Gimme a night when I can smile sleeping and not cry!

Introducing a good song....
Does this all sounds farmiliar to you?
Well...everyone of us...must have been thru this stage.
How sweet..

You might think I dont look

But deep inside

In the corner of my mind

Im attached to you

Im weak

Its true

Cuz im afarid to know the awnsers

Do you want me too?

Cuz my heart keeps fallnig faster

Ive waited all my life

To cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try

Anything to be with you

All my life ive waiting

This is true

You dont know what you do

Everytime you walk into the room

Im afarid to move

Im weak

Its true

Im just scared to know the ending

Do you see me too?

Do you even know u met me?

Ive waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you

All my life ive waited

This is true I know when I go ill be on my way to you

The way thats true Ive waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you A

ll my life ive waited

This is true

Just copy and paste some script work over.
Maybe you know where did I copy from so it doesnt matter.

Btw Yng:
1)Pls~~Pretty pret pret~help me abt the JH thing first.;p
2)Aiya..I also know these agencies cant be counted on la.If can,I would have done so long ago lo.
Plus I know my own standards la.Hehe.
3)You dun have to spell out the baking over here,ya know.*shakes head*
Lol.
=}

Von told me something thru texting this afternoon.
She said that she told Andy if by 22(age) she and Andy still ok,they would get engaged.

Sounds romantic huh.
But I asked her this...
"How do you really feel about Andy now?"
(She has alot of other stories yet to be told,and I respect her by not telling everyone I know.)
She replied something as Andy being someone whom she feels comfortable ard with and has grown use to.

This is totally natural...Totally.

That leads me to 2 issues which are connected.

As my cursor would ask...Is love just a habit?
Someone whom you have grown use to...
Since when everything about each other is just regarded something you have grown use to?
Although it is totally natural.
The hugs,the kisses,the sensation of holding hands,the voice,the timings,the places for dates,each other hp and home no, etc..are all the things we are slowly accumstomed to.
It has become part and parcel of our lives.

But...if love is a habit,does it makes habit as love too?
Literally speaking,yes.
But..I dun really agree so.

For all i know,habit is something that is hard to kick but CAN be overwrite eventually.

Dont tell me there is no difference b/w the 2 coz there is.
Even a fine line is a gap.

I was on the phone with Irene just now.
She just came back from her "honey moon" to China with her significant other.
How blissful~

We talked about the infidelity world of the grown ups.
I really mean those adults,years senior than us.

You and I know that trust and respect for each other is really impt in a relationship.
But hearing so many,I dunno if I can really put down my guard and trust and love implicitly.

And often it is the married couples who have spend at least a decade of their lives together that the 'betrayal of love' demon is targeting on.

I mean...what is marraige to you?
What are the vows taken for?
Is there such thing as eternal love?
Who are those beautiful love songs written for?
You are still with me,becoz u still truely love me or it is just an habit that we are together so you are still with me?

I have asked Jason once that when 2 pple are together for long,izzit for love or habit.He didnt quite give me an answer,no he didn't.
I asked Von the same question too,she said she has no idea and is frustrated too.
I'm sure if I asked Yng,she wouldn't be able to gimme an ans too.

Even though there is no guarantee that we will be together,but occasionally I still dream of the day when you finally proposed to me.I smiled to myself.

What I didnt think of is years after marriage,would you still stay the same for me?

When your career takes off,will you still look at me the way that you did when you first saw me?

Would you take a look at other women,and choose to break all the vows taken?

This is a question not asking for ur answers coz as much I would love to believe in those answers,I am not sure if they are for keep.
Coz I know when those men make those vows,they never intend to break it either..of coz until they really do so.

Is marriage just a piece of paper?
Nothing is worth anything now?

Or really it doesnt even take until marriage for all these to happen.

Time do really wears off everything huh?
Yng must be sadly nodding her head now.

I am not sure if my parents really still love each other that much...as before..as once upon that time.But it is a fact that they are still living together and at least betrayal of love is not an issue here.

Of coz what I am said all above does not apply to men only,women too.We are all just the same.(except men being the majority)

I did something wrong just now but I didn't feel I am exactly wrong.
I gave him a not so encouraging msg.
I wonder how will it affects him..or maybe it dont.
I am just too insecure till the point that I dun really care.

All day long...I kept looking over to my phone every now and then.
I am just wishing for a msg to maybe tell me that u are awake,asks me how's my day etc..
But all I got is just a mms telling me to take care and u are off to work.


All night long...I keep looking over to my phone every now and then.
I am just wishing for a msg...be it of anything..during dinner break..during a short rest or toilet break?
I hold it till 11.30 when I tot you would knock off.
I am just wishing for a call.
You know I needed that.
But you told me that you would be working late and that you shall keep the magic words till when we need.

Well...
I breathe in hard to hold my tears or maybe now as I am typing all these,I drop a tear or two.

Maybe I am truely asking for too much.
So it is my fault?
I dunno..I really dont.

Those kinda msges makes me feel like a sit at home gal.Watching you go work and returning late.
Well..at least he did inform.

How empty I feel..really.

SO I really dunno how Yng takes it all along?
Maybe she is really too tired to make another step that seems useless?
forgive me for commenting coz I know I really have no right to anyway.
Sorry gal.



It's been a long time and each time we met I just tot it's ok.
But still this emptiness feeling didn't fail to hang ard in here.

My mind never stop at gg on to imagine for the undesirable outcomes.

Though I see him beside me physically,but why can't I feel so inside.
Like what I've said...since when he has stepped to the other side on this railway station.

No amount of those magic words can help coz it is just not about those words I care to hear.
Yes..I need those words but it is not something that I like to hear upon my request.

Love is not a dedication or call in request.

Lately I recalled alot of the past.
That..guy..who taught me how to love and let go someone I can't let go of..

I tot it's my fault.
I tot I think too much.
But you can't deny me from feeling what I am feeling.

I am scare that all of me and what I am doing is eventually something you will dislike next time.
I am scare that you just dont remember what I really needs or just forget or ..just dont wanna remember again.
I am scare that it is only years later that this relationship has to end.

I dun like to wait,dun like to waste time.
Thus I am disgusted at myself.Feels like a useless rug.

....
Even so come the day...even if it's not you...that my love is betray..
I will never let him see the day I cried for him again.

Starting all over again...
So that brings you and me back to the question.

Is love just a habit?
When those sparkles fade with time..do you still love me wholeheartedly or..really it is just a habit that we are together?

There is only one song that's singing in my head now.
Eagles--Hotel California.

Ok..I make that up.I dun even know whether it's sang by the Eagles anot.All I know is that it's a song from their era and have a vague impression.
Maybe I'm right afterall,eh?

And so it begins....
What am I gonna do for the rest of the day(s).
My books cant last me the whole of December and I dun always go to library,AND there aren't always gd bks there.

Sigh...
No matter how,I still feel the world has drifted apart from me.Esp.Jason.
I know it just ain't right to say so but I don't deny how I feel when it comes to blogging too.

It has nothing to do with the amount of 'I love you'.Moreever it's only said in text.
It is just the feeling.
Like he is on the other side of the railway train.
+_+

Perhaps it has gotta do with how bored I am.

Btw Yng,I emailed the lady regarding NIE.
I asked if we could apply earlier and go thru the interview first on Jan.
She said something like ..Forget it..Lemme copy n paste.

"Since interviews are only arranged for shortlisted applicants, you will need to submit your application first for processing. As a polytechnic diploma holder, you can also apply for the Diploma in Education Programme. Applications for the latter programme are open throughout the year. If you do submit an application for the Diploma Programme now and are selected for admission, the Ministry of Education may place you on contract teaching while you await admission to NIE. Subsequently, you can apply for the degree course in February and if you are successful in that application, you can then let the Ministry know which programme you prefer to enroll in."

Understand bo?
Hmm..Getting thru the selection is one major test.
Feels sian~

Did I just put it as I am considering to go to the interview.
Well...I think NOT.
I've just found their post and read their website.
I am highly DISQUALIFIED le.
Read this:

The selection criteria for the ALW Short-list of Potential Trainers ensures that only the highest calibre applicants move on to the next level of selection process. Candidates must demonstrate:

• Formal teaching qualifications and at least 3 years teaching experience or 5-7 years teaching experience with students 10-17 years of age.

• Evidence of a practical interest and involvement in the arts – drama, singing, painting and visual arts etc.

• Detailed resumes with appropriately qualified referees and evidence of their success and effectiveness as classroom teachers..

• Evidence of knowledge in the areas of educational, developmental and/or cognitive psychology and NLP (desirable but not compulsory).

And please read on~

But this is only the beginning. Short-listed applicants are then put through a rigorous ALW training and assessment process which has been described as leading to: ‘a rediscovery of the joy of learning and a renewed enthusiasm for the craft of teaching.'

This training includes:
• Introductory group workshops, designed to promote and assess the potential trainers' creativity, spontaneity, flexibility of thinking, interpersonal abilities, sense of humour, presence, story-telling techniques and mastery of the use of educational metaphors, interactive learning style, confidence, passion for teaching, spirituality and, of course their teaching methodology and craft.

• A detailed background check and verification of academic qualifications and references.
• Training in ALW Techniques, Philosophy, Games, Metaphors and Activities.

• Extensive class-room observation of Senior Trainers.

• Training in ALW Methodology, Training Style, Story-Telling and Presentation Skills.

• Full Accreditation Assessment.

All ALW trainers are seasoned education professionals who have made it through a demanding and exhaustive ten-step selection and training process. All applicants for the position of ALW trainer must be qualified and experienced teachers, but ALW offers positions to less than five percent of all those who apply. This means that you, as the parent of a prospective ALW student, can be assured that they are being trained in the latest ‘cutting-edge' techniques by the best of the best.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

-_-'

I take it as a compliment that they called me!
Now it's not really the case of I'm turning away from the challenge coz I SWORE I did tot of turning up afterall.If not I wouldn't be bother to check up those,right?

But I am not gonna pit myself up the impossibles.I am definitely not that experience yet,and by turning up would be a waste of time for both parties.And further rejections and failures would only make my confidence level dip to sea level.

Well...Lucky I DID check it up.
Am not gonna embarass myself,ya know.
It takes ,if not experiences and the right qualifications, a sparkling personality to fool their eyes and bring it to the next step.

Me..I know it better than anyone else that I am only good at acting when I am prepared.
I blinded the eyes of the seasoned trainer--Mr Barry Tan of Planet Fitness and some other interviewers coz I am prepared.
But..hold it,I am not prepared this time round.

And really,I will not try to be someone who I am NOT obviously.
Sure I am be happy and confident but I am never da bomb,y'see.
Some pple are born to be the stars.
Some are the mere twinkle,like me.
Some are the black skies.

Feels better now~=)
I am so gonna not to pick unknown numbers tml.

Did I hear someone calling me a loser?Or it's just my own voice beneath?
Oh well...If this makes me happy then I am a HAPPY loser,get it nuts?
If I were to trade my happiness for the sake of not being a loser,then I wouldn't quit my job.
Although the after feeling of a scalawag is rather horrible but I am slowly gonna pick myself up.

So with this it brings me back to my solitary journey to Orchard Rd today.
Notice how many times I said "solitary journey"
Hey i like that,how about the name of my blog url den?
-------------------------------------------------------

So I changed to my low bottom blue jeans,with that brown spaghetti top.Put on my big loops(ok not very big la),my dangling braclet.A lil trial with that eyeliner and mascara(not too useful le) and a lil brush.Sets my hair and carry my big red tote bag.
Looks pretty a-ok with 3 checks at the mirror. ^_~
Ta da~I'm off!

It is a slow and long journey to Orchard due to the jam.
Rec a msg from Jason telling me to take care and he's off to work.

Stopped by a young guy who looks really cute.I mean one look can tell that he is just some maybe just graduated from high school?Cute eyes but looks like he needs some help with his pimple face.
But I still think he is really cute.One kinda boyish boy boy that a mum would be delight to see her gal bringing home.
I thought he is asking for a change or something else.
Who knows he is just a model scouter. =
Well..at least he looked so honestly cute so I didnt really had the heart to reject him.
Everyone's making a earning,you see.Maybe all it takes is my number that would get him some commision.;)
Create Talents..an agency at PArkmall.
Hmm..I wonder are all the agencies there coz I remembered some time back,I got approached by one called International Models I,also located there.

So I carried on with my way to the library,wondering why the crowd on a Monday.
There I was stopped by a pretty(and yes..pretty big eye gal.) malay gal.

(-__-!!Jus rec a rather horrible MMS from jason.wat.....-_____-!!Suddenly my world dims...*Go cry*)

I sincerely tot she is asking for directions(again) coz she really look like so.
Who knows she is just another one.I should feel flattered but I wondered how can they,the pretty faces scouters,overlooked my bad skin and dark eye rings that concealor failed to cover?
When I asked what company she is from,she mumbled some words of which I can only make up "Loreal".
She just appeared to be a lil nervous,I have no idea why and how so.Coz it's like I should be the one who is nervous when a pretty gal is talking to me.
I gave the no and I left.
Since I am using Starhub now,I let it serves as an entertainment for callers like them.Heh.

I thought it couldn't be BHI(the lousy agency that is ALWAYS on the search,who even use TCS logo when they did the intro for me)Duh..But it turns up it is!I entertained that Kelly a lil and hang the phone.
If she thinks I am gonna turn up tml,she's nuts!

Went to the library and borrowed some books.
2 chinese novels,one read some donkey time back.
One magazine on health.
One manga.Well..it just so happened to appear right infront of me.
And one eng novel.
Oh yea..And one cooking book on Chinese foods. ;p


I walked ard Taka B1 for a while.
Was looking for my snowman.
This year,my xmas icon is Snowman~~^^

I set my eyes on this mini snowman wreath.
Looks cute!!!

After paying for it,I went to B2 and got the Japanese pancake to fill my stomach a lil.
Grabbed a bottle of Ice Mountain before I left for Watsons.

I accompained Yng did it last time.But still I am at a loss of what to buy and get ready.
It would be alot simpler than her time,but I just bought a few things and it costs! =<

Passed by Charles and Keith.
Made a close shave in slashing my cards there.
Argh..battle of the mind.
Dun laugh,Jason.It is the same when u see jerseys and arsenal related stuff.

My final stop is a S-E-C-R-E-T~^_*

Ok..running outta words to blog.
-_-
So ended a day.

I have a bad news for myself.
All my msges in my inbox is GONE!!!Argh...And I intend to keep his unsent msg,it's gone too!
Shouldn't have change the hp with my brother.
I did it coz I want to listen to radio on my way to Orchard.
=(
.....
Just received a call.
Had wanted to give an account of my solitary journey but now I dun have the mood.
Maybe next time.

A lady called Jip called me regarding to my application for a P/T(on contract basis) trainer.
I sent the application for fun on late Nov.
Besides it's a weekend and school holiday job,so I thought why not.
And it sounds kinda fun.

I thought they wouldn't get back coz they did state that the deadline that they would get back is on the 6th,and I have long forgotten about it.
Now they asked me down for an interview and it got me confused.

First...I am really NOT confident about it.Especially these days,I ain't confident about alot of things and myself.
I am worried I would fumble things up.
And...I am some sort getting used to my life now.I will get to NIE next year...right?

I dunno..I am feeling very lost now.
Why should I..if you ask.
I dunno...={

The chances of getting selected will be very low tml anyway and now I am not too interested.
Besides Jip did mention something about if I'm selected,I would have to go thru a course and must complete.

And I am sick of gg thru those "tell me more about urself.Introduce urself.Why are you interested in this postion..etc"When all they want is to hear how u speak.
And I think it would be a group interview.
OH geez..

But...
As I am persuading myself not to go,I tot I SHOULD go too.
No harm done anyway.

But really...I DONT feel like gg.

But...I feel like a coward and loser if I dont.

Sigh...Why is this like a wrong relationship.Like ur heart and brain are telling u 2 different things.

Would you go?
I dunno man...
Argh..now this sucks!

Am having some horrible watery bland oatmeal now.
Sometimes I just produce very horrible things.But again..when I'm at home and there's no food ard,I dun usually care what I am eating or I could be not eating as well.

The weather seems fine today.
Should I step out to town alone?

While the thoughts of solitary feels good sometimes.
But drowning urself in a crowd seems scary and lonely.
Then I could envision myself taking up my hp to fiddle with,even when there's no msg/calls.

BUT of all,staying at home sucks!

Sigh..

Sometimes one's sucess measure the other's downfall too.
Agree?

It could be anyone that you set urself against with.

What a dumb thing to do.

But being just human beings,you cant practice what's written in the books of Saints as much as you try to.

B-o-R-e-D.

It seems that those kids are always playing at the void deck.Could hear them almost everyday since I'm at home.
And they have got a very creative ..erm..what do you call that?

You know..in the past when we are so called drawing lots to play games.
For eg whose the hider,whose the seeker etc.
We would normally just say.. "Oo-ah--bey--ah--song~"

Those kids?
They sing,
"Oo-ah-bey-ah-song-ba-le-ah-(Then comes the creative moment.)Ro-ti-pra-ta-Char-Kway-Teow!"

Ha..
Kids...

It's often the lesser things you learn in life,the happier you are.And maybe the wiser you are too.

However we can only go thru that phase of life once,you wont feel the same when you tried to sing that jingle once more.

(so should I go out?)

Just some really dumb things on my blog.
Wu liao.--_--*


B:

Your Beauty liesin Plain Sight. Plain, simple and the girl nextdoor. People tend overlook you as you are the
"normal girl", but you're actuallyvery beautiful. And you have plenty about you to
set you apart, but more thatlets you blend. People love the stability you have
because as others may comeand go, you will always be there and you may always
be the same. You like simplethings and that's what people like about you. You
most likely enjoy things mostconsider normal, like movies, shopping, that sort
of thing and are very friendlyand probably have many friends. You are sweet and
kind and that shows on you,but you're also strong and not very naive. You're a
rather well-roundedindividual. Even though some people pass you off as
just another girl, shrug itoff because they don't know what they're
missing.

Some ThingsThat Represent You:

Element:Earth, Light Animal: Cat Color:
Pinks, Blues, Browns Song:Girl Next Door by Pilot Expression: Simple
Smile

Gemstone:Alexandrite Mythological Creature: Fox
Demon, Hobbit Planet: Jupiter Hair
Color: Light Brown Eye Color:Brown

Quote:"To the world you may be one person, but to
one person you may be the world."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla.

=================================================================

Chamomile Tea...You are Chamomile Tea.Your an original! Helpful to anyone in need and
always willing to lend a hand, you take action
but not through violence, people listen to you
for you have a knack for giving wonderful
advice! Many look up to you and you try your
best not to let them down. You have many
friends steadfast or no who consider themselves
lucky to be near you. You may have been hurt in
the past but you dont let that stand in your
way! You have a wonderful outlook on life and
try to see the good in people which is an
awesome gift!

What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-}
brought to you by Quizlla

I dunno what's with me lately.
Could it be I stop working?
Could it be the fact that I've stop earning income?
Could it be the amount of attention I've been getting that I'm not satisfied with?
Could it be I've become some ill brat who is just an attention seeker?
Could it be I am already someone who is so dependent on someone else?

I dunno.
Lately it's either I didn't really have a good night sleep or I wake up still feeling tired.
Lately it's either I went to bed after worning myself up or I cried to sleep for no good reasons.

I think I'm crazy.
Why am I becoming someone I dun even know and yet sees the alikeness of myself to someone else I have no good feelings for?

Don't assume you think you know who I am referring to unless you ask me.

I am now hugging my big Garfield,wanting to drop a tear or two.
But why should I?
Crying for no reasons?
Or am I just feeling sorry for myself?
But again..what's the rationale behind it?

I dunno,man.
I really have no notion!
I just feel like sitting in a dark corner and cry to sleep.
I feel that noone really cares coz they are all busy doing their own things but I know this aint the truth.
I just want to find an excuse to accuse,so maybe I feel better?

But false accusation is a sin.

Lately my temper hasn't been too good.
Sometimes I feel really irritated by the lil things in life and this may cause some unpleasant notes b/w me and my brothers.
Sometimes I know I'm not right..But I am just looking for an outlet to release.

Venting of emotions is too a sin.

Sometimes i wonder why do I blog?
Why do I wanna let Jason read my blog.Coz sometimes it feels as good as noone is reading it.

See..Malignation is a big sin.

Right now..I am trying hard to swallow my tears.
I know..I am gonna cry again tonight.

Izzit the longer your relationship gets by,the higher the likelihood that ur partner would take small things in life and/or you for granted?

Does Jason belongs to one of them?
I had half of my mind saying yes but I think it's a no too.
Compared to what I've seen/heard,I still think Jason is a wonderful bf.
But why do I think of answering Yes?

Most likely it ain't his fault,i think.

I always think maybe it's my increasing dependence on him.
Maybe it's me who is just annoyingly spoilt and such a unadorable attention seeker.
Maybe it's my melancholic personality that tends to act up at the wrong time.

And I'm also worry that one day he will ...I dunno.
Often I fear the day of him finding me freaking annoying,stupid,silly,being so dependent on him etc.
I dunno why do I think of that.

But...
I know that should the day come,I wont be that stupid girl anymore.
I will wipe my tears and leave.

Even though that doesn't mean I would stop crying but at least you wont see me cry anymore.

Freak!
Why am I typing all these?

See..Sometimes I just get very...stupid,y'see.

Really stupid.
Think I won't cry sleeping tonight..coz I already did just now.

Smile...=)

I made my own fusion bolognese.Why fusion,well..half oriental,half italian~
Bro said it was good,but my expert Dad said something is lacking obviously in the taste. (;p He found out!)
That's right.Oregano leaves or basil leaves or lemon grass..the last alternative.
Aiya..lazy to buy la.
It is a must if you are cooking tomato based pasta.I thought it wont make a big difference but hehe..well...it does.

Ok~next time.
Suddenly I wanted to try my hands on alot of things.Well..I've made them before during my F&N times,but think I forgot everything.I dun even know where's the precious F&N recipe book is!
For example...suddenly I feel like making spring rolls!Hehe?
Well,as usual the ingredients would be my own creation.

Christmas is coming.
What kinda image would surfaced in your head when you think of Christmas?

1) A lively colourful streets.People are all around.Cheering,singing out loud,hugging on the streets,dining at posh restaurants or cozy cafes.Beautiful lightings,wet floors.Joy is in the air.

2)A distant town.Cold and sceluded from the cities.But there is a warm eating house/cafe.There you are drinking hot cocoa,staring out the frosted windows,waiting for someone special to arrive.

3)A fireplace liting and warming the house.The lazy old dog snoozing near it.The kids ran ard the house,cheering and shouting with glee.Oh yes...The well dressed christmas tree with some presents lying ard it.The lonely snowman just outside your house,welcoming any visitors.

4)Of coz amg all the cheerings and warm fuzzy celebrations,there are bound to be some others feeling the blues and for them..Christmas is greyish.
Some stay at home and sleep thru the season,covering their loneliness with their blankets.
Some spend it with the envision of someone/something they longed in their hearts.
Some ....
Just dont celebrate Christmas.

Lol.

So what's on ur mind when you speak.."Christmas~"

=)

Falling in love with you was like discovering a world filled with smiles and laughter,closeness and caring,long talks and quiet momments. Being in love with you is all of that, and more... It's knowing that all the joy we've found together will be a special part of every tomorrow...
Mich^^

Time checked 12.20am.
It's time for bed...NOT until I get my blog done.

What a day.Well,actually aint nothing special.Am just glad that he's by my side.

Actually the date was started with a bad note.

Personally I hate to wait!I dun like late comers and those who did not watch time.
Unfortunately my best friend and boyfriend are such persons.Hehe.No offence,but come on..before you decided to sulk at this comment,you should know la.

I hate the queue outside the ladies.I dunno why but there is ALWAYS a queue in the ladies.
I have no idea why gals spend like forever inside the cubicle when I am always done in less than 5 mins.
I mean...whatcha doing inside the cubicle?Does it smells gr8?

I hate waiting for buses.(This is the one I hated most!)Sometimes the bus seem to take forever to come.The longest I've waited for a bus is near an hour, and that is the pathetic 105!I tell ya,NEVER take 105 from ard TPY areas at night.Sometimes you would rather spend the money to take cab home than waiting.

I hate waiting for my turn to pay at supermarkets.Ok..at least this is not that bad.
But I dunno if you have such experiences before.Sometimes it seem that it so just happen to you that the one before you have some problems at the cashier and you ended up waiting while you see the other lanes flow smoothly.

And some other minor things in life that I can probably shut an eye about it.

And with all these blabberings,it actually caused the bad note b/w us today.

We planned to meet at 4pm.I reached 3.55pm and so I waited.
Actually i am still on the quite 'low' note and is trying very hard to pull it up on my way to Suntec.
I waited..and waited.Ok,it ain't his fault coz it is really the bus' fault!
I understand totally how F it feels when you are rushing home/date etc and the bus is like taking its own sweet time to drive by.

After 40 mins of waiting,my patience runs up and my mood turns foul.
I msged a text of vulgarites(with one F and one Fucking) to him.But I swore I am targetting at the bus,not him.
But well..I guess it made no difference.

When I sent that msg,he came.What a (unfortunate)coincidence!

I threw a lil tantrum,actually just wanting him to coax me.
But surprisingly he did nothing!And so you can virtually see the piss off level escalating in my head.

When we passed by the Why Pay More shop,I mentally said that if he decides to go in without calming me down first,he's a goner.
And so voila~
He steered his direction in the store!!

I was really pissed off then that I could feel every single hair on my body burning up.When we just stepped in the store,I pulled my hand back.I knew I must have look very terrible then.Coz I can feel very nerves on my face joining up.I looked so angry that it could kill.

So he walked me outta the store again.We had our moment of silence standing along the railings.
A ferocious arguement and all sorts of scenarios popped in my head.
I imagined him announcing the day off.
I imagined him giving me the craps back.
I imagined we would quarel in the public.
I imagined him walking off me.
I imagined I gave him the worst kinda stare and walk off.
I imagined every strong negative lines that would come outta my mouth once he triggered the button.

I imagined all sorts of negative outcomes,while I was very tired and faint standing there.

I had no idea how long we stood but it all felt so right when he finally hugged me.

Actually I didnt want anything.I just asked for a lil sensitiveness and coaxing.

My perfect kinda ending would be the guy knowing the gal is angry,go and buys something secretly and surprised the gal..and coax her sweetly.
This kinda ..romantic sweet thing.

But I am starting to wonder does only such things happen in books or dramas?
;(

And back to reality,he told me I can do anything I like to him.Scold him,beat him,tickle him,poke him but not to pinch him.Ha.I pointed to the teddy bear downstairs.

Actually I didnt really want it but I tot I want those kinda pamperings!
Initially I wanted to buy that Eeyore soft toy,and he really wanted to buy.
But I put it back again coz I know I dun really actually fancy it and didnt want him to waste that kinda money.And most imptly,I dun want it only becoz of MY request.

I want things that you buy on ur own initiative.More sincere and so.
Beside..I think the snowman I saw is much cuter.
The smaller one kinda look like penguin!hehe.
And the bigger one looks cute too!
I like them both~

Think...my blogging is heading in the childish direction.Cant really type anymore..coz my head is feeling kinda empty.

Well..in summary...the night ended with a good kiss and we headed home ourselves.

Jason is such a good kisser...

Night~

P.S*
He did apologise after all.Saw the unsent msg in my hp.Hehe.And for the first few seconds,I was wondering since when did I typed that.
;)